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1.
Is Fortune a Wheel I remember the heat of the road The road we climbed as far as it goes First time and last Held a dream but we didn’t hold fast I remember a woman in black First she cursed and then she laughed Shivered my spine Took what’s yours, she took what’s mine Is Fortune a wheel Or a ship that keels A fate that’s been sealed Or is fortune a wheel? I remember the sun so high Raised our hands to shield our eyes Oh how we laughed Held a dream but we didn’t hold fast I remember a storm of crows Filled the sky like devil’s snow My Valentine Took what’s yours, took what’s mine I remember the winding road The road we climbed as far as it goes First time and last Held a dream but we didn’t hold fast Is Fortune a wheel Or a ship that keels A fate that’s been sealed Or is fortune a wheel? Could fortune be blind Be cruel or be kind A fate that’s been sealed Or is fortune a wheel?
2.
Swann's Way 04:30
Swann’s Way I don’t know what I want, Don’t know why, I don’t know how I don’t know what I want I just know that I want it now I walk a narrow road One place to another Dreams know where to find me But it seems like they don’t bother Have you got something going? We could meet down at the Swann’s Way Where everything has meaning The taste, the touch, the smell Oh, that winter day I don’t know what I want, Don’t know why, I don’t know how I don’t know what I want I just know that I want it now I never learned how to ask I was better with the giving But time took me by surprise I forgot about the living Sweet was the storm, blankets of white Wondrously fragile and bold Held in your arms, flame in the night That we carelessly let grow cold I walk a narrow road All signs point to nowhere You know where to find me But I don’t think your headed there
3.
Golden Cuff 04:35
Golden Cuff What are you thinking in the middle of the night with a face staring back in the cold bathroom light You can’t sleep but you can’t wake up It’s just you and the tv and the truth that you can’t make right 10,000 miles or 20 years is not enough There ain’t no key to unlock the golden cuffs You wanna fly, fly, fly But your wings got stuck There’s nothing left to try You’re feeling all washed up It’s just a lie, lie, lie You never beat that stuff You need a lullaby, you got the golden cuffs You caught a train in the fog and the rain, Still lost in a daze and far away from home So much time’s been lost on this line It goes on and on and then another year’s been blown 10,000 miles and 20 years didn’t get you far There ain’t no ride that could catch a shooting star You wanna fly, fly, fly But your wings got stuck There’s nothing left to try You’re feeling all washed up It’s just a lie, lie, lie You never beat that stuff You need a lullaby, you got the golden cuffs Oh, you wanna float away What are you thinking on a New York night With your eyes staring out underneath the cold stage lights You can’t sleep and you can’t wake up It’s just you and a crowd and the truth that they can’t make right You wanna fly, fly, fly But your wings got stuck There’s nothing left to try You’re feeling all washed up It’s just a lie, lie, lie You never beat that stuff You need a lullaby, you got the golden cuffs
4.
Wild 04:19
I held the book of days – it fell open to your page, It’s been 15 years since we burned, since we raged , In the book of days, they call you the dreamer But oh, I felt the sting of an angel and a demon You were wild You were beautiful You were unbent You were vast You were savage You were innocent I’m sitting in the sun, got my hands in the dirt Digging to the bone, I’m going to bury that hurt In the book of days they name me rebellion I calling on that force, for the primal, for the hellion I was wild… We tried to break it down Reason to give it sense Tore from the apple tree Cashed in our ignorance All that was left were names Like swords that cut right through Across a battlefield Pieces of me and you I held the book of days, it fell open to your page It’s been 15 years since we burned, since we raged In the book of days, they call you the dreamer But I knew two men, a devil and a redeemer We were wild…..
5.
1969 03:40
1969 Ghost in the graveyard, sugar-burn tongue Shells in our pockets, pink from the sun Sailor girl dresses, my hair always messy They told us a man had just walked on the moon Biked on two wheels, went around and around Fell for my cousin, his skin was all brown Swam in the ocean, I've never forgotten The summer in Spain when the world seemed so small We believed the impossible was possible back then Old Spanish Grandma said don't believe lies The man on the moon is just a trick of the eye She prayed for salvation, we almost died laughing Spinning in circles 'til someone fell down We believed the impossible was possible back then That was when anti-gravity, rarely vertical Time could bend We had particles of stardust in the cells of our skin Big white bird flew in the room and we screamed The pillow-fight ended, it broke at the seams Ran to the window, the city rushed below Thousands of feathers danced in the night sky We believed the impossible was possible back then
6.
Down by the Mill Summer’s over, you have gone House is empty, shades are drawn Sun is setting on the hill Once we were lovers down by the mill Down by the mill at the rivers edge You took my lips, you took my dress We lay there naked in the light You held me close into the night Oh, oh – sparrow sings, but other birds have flown Oh, oh – summer’s died and you have gone for home you have gone for home Languid days when we belonged A gypsy and her vagabond We swam the river, climbed the hills We ended up down by the mill Down by the mill, at the rivers edge You touched my skin and stole my breath I lay with you, your summer bride I felt no shame, you told no lie Summer’s over, you have gone House is empty, shades are drawn Sun is setting on the hill Once we were lovers down by the mill A rough wind came to shake the trees Our path was covered up with leaves All around me barren fields Once we were lovers down by the mill
7.
Strings in My Human Heart There’s the train, there are stairs down a hill There’s a pig in a yard and a dog that barks There’s the sun, it looks different up here The light on the stone where I set my foot There’s that house set behind a rock wall All the windows are tall, mostly covered in vines All the lives that have walked on those floors I want to know more, I want to know more There are strings in my human heart That can pull apart, they can pull apart I could leave everything I know I could let it go, I could just let go There’s a bench at the end of her street No park and no grass, where the men sit and smoke I pass by, but I don’t ever pause I wave, I don’t talk, though I want to know more There are strings in my human heart That can pull apart, they can pull apart I could leave everything I know I could let it go, I could just let go There’s a gate and it keeps me outside So I press my face up against the cracks In the garden sits an empty chair I can see myself there, I can see myself there
8.
UmaUma 03:53
9.
Steam 06:41
Steam If you could hear me I’d know just what to say A ghost of spring still walks these passageways If you could see me, If you could see you’d see it runs so deep Like a root that clings while storms attack the tree If you could feel me You’d feel the running blood, the constant beat Of a heart just like a train that runs on steam And I call you back I call you back I call you back If this was easy I guess it wouldn’t count Though words have been my thing they fail me now If you could see me, If you could see you’d see how hard I try But years have passed, you never said goodbye So I call you back I call you back I call you back If you could feel me You’d feel the rushing pulse, the burning heat Of a love that boiled up and turned to steam I call you back I call you back
10.
Saint in the Yard I was the saint in the yard, I learned my role and I played her hard I was a shepherdess guard I held his hand and I drove the car I held his hand and I drove the car I tried to make everything bright I pushed through the days, threw away every night No one can say I didn’t try But nothing you say is gonna’ make it all right No, nothing you say can make this thing right Fire all around me Fire, Burn this house down! All around me I rushed on the scene, my sword drawn Like a doe becomes fierce, I defended the fawn Covered my body in steel I ran the baths and I cooked the meals I ran the baths and I cooked the meals But a part of me watched from outside Saw the glasses break and the flowers die No one can say I didn’t try But nothing you say is gonna’ make it all right No, nothing you say can make this thing right
11.
The Color Blue is Everywhere The color blue is everywhere She said I should dive in Has come the time to face my fear To shed this crinoline The water’s deep, the waves are high And I am like a seal The stone was warm, it kept me dry But come the time to feel I learned the prelude, not the fugue And I was captured there My fingers could repeat the moves Well-trained, but cold with fear The water’s deep and has no end But I had been beguiled And for the desert I did bend Though I’m a mermaid’s child The color blue, the sea and sky She said I should dive in There is no time for living lies Go be the heroine The water’s deep, the shore is far Once more I’ve been beguiled I’ll drink the light of a shooting star And be one with the wild I’ll drink the light of a falling star And be one with the wild

about

"... There is a rare elegance and subtle drama to her lyrics. The melodies sway and soar, haunting in one moment, majestic in the next...Every track is a gem. Pasqual is a very special artist, exploring love, loss and life in profoundly moving ways. To know her music is to love it. Far more people should know it."
- Paul Freeman, Pop Culture Classiccs

"Stunning in its power, cathartic in its depth -
Is Fortune a Wheel is a musical triumph born from the ashes of grief".
Patrick O'Heffernon, Shutter 16

Monica Pasqual’s Concept Album Explores a Theme that is Rarely Addressed in Pop Music

Everyone understands the need to grieve when someone you love dies, but what about when they slowly disappear right before your eyes, becoming a different person housed in the same body? Monica Pasqual’s new concept album, Is Fortune a Wheel, explores her experience with a more subtle, incessant kind of loss as she cared for her partner of seventeen years who was diagnosed with degenerative brain disease.

The songs propel the listener on a journey through time and place, a journey which almost mirrors the stages of grief. There is the moment of discovery that something is about to change, followed by the battle of trying to stop the unstoppable. Even as the change is occurring there is the understandable attempt to hold onto the past and the inevitable realization that it’s not going to be possible. Ultimately, there is acceptance, and the recognition that the only way forward is to move through.

The album opens with the title track, recalling a walk in the Spanish hillside above Granada when it first became apparent that something was wrong. In the midst of a perfectly beautiful day surrounded by idyllic scenery, an encounter with a gypsy generated a foreboding premonition that settled in. As things changed rapidly, tiny and seemingly insignificant moments would trigger vivid memories of earlier times when the love was new, leaving Monica feeling a profound sense of loneliness as she confronted the discord of the current reality. Swann’s Way is a recounting of this carousel and a nod to the French philosopher Marcel Proust. At times these memories of the start of the relationship were overwhelming. The passionate and unbridled beginning of love that was so exciting and unforgettable is explored in the song Wild. Golden Cuff confronts the alienation and loneliness that Pasqual felt on the road as she tried to hold everything together from afar.

Memories of her sister’s house in the Barcelona hills are at the center of Strings In My Human Heart. Monica and Tom spent time there on several occasions before and after his sickness was discovered and this song explores how experience is tied to place and the conflicting emotion that can go along with that, the desire to abandon the past completely. These special places can be so precious and at the same time so painful as it becomes clear that the good memories experienced there are gone, never to return.

Monica found that the person she had loved for 17 years was disappearing before her very eyes. As his brain declined she realized that she “was losing him slowly - losing his mind, his memories, and a certain essence that his incredible wit and intellect defined.” The essence of what made him who he was dissipated like steam billows out into nothingness. Steam chronicles this parallel between her love and the nature of steam. Steam begins with so much power that it can be used to propel a locomotive and eventually releases into the ether leaving nothing behind. In much the same way her love for her partner began with such immense power and so much of it, but it had come to a point where he was essentially gone because he was no longer able to see her or understand her experience, not because he didn’t want to, but because he just wasn’t capable of it anymore.

To complicate matters further Monica’s band Blame Sally reached a point in their career when things really started taking off. She had to juggle caring for her partner alongside a busy schedule of touring and recording with the band. It was an interesting dichotomy to live through as professionally things began to soar even as this situation in her personal life steadily declined. It was during this time that Monica won in five categories of the Independent Music Awards, three with Blame Sally, and two for her solo album, This Cold Desire.

When Monica came to the realization that she was not able to continue being the primary caretaker for her partner, she found she was simply not able to be the person that she thought she had to be. “No one can say I didn’t try” is one line from Saint in the Yard, which is about reaching a point where she knew she could no longer deny herself the right to her own happiness and self-actualization. “I could see that I was starting to go down with the ship. To separate from him was the hardest decision I have ever had to make, and though I believe I have done everything possible to help him stay comfortable and happy, that decision still hurts me.” The album ends with The Color Blue is Everywhere which was a phrase uttered by a psychic and became the mantra for her new future, transitioning into a phase of reclaiming her power, her nature, and her life.

Making an album wasn’t the first thing on her list of things to do after this overwhelming and often draining process, but when she met and began collaborating with a talented young cellist, the wild and unrestrained nature of their musical connection was just the catalyst she needed to form Monica Pasqual & The Handsome Brunettes. Josh McClain “wields his cello like a post-impressionist brush” and his playing acts as a counterpoint, weaving between Monica’s piano and vocals to create a big, emotionally complex sound. Together they create a soundscape that is rich in dynamics, moving easily from quiet fragility to unrestrained propulsion. Brilliant percussionist, Pam Delgado is the thread that connects through so much of Monica’s musical life. She is a fellow band mate from Blame Sally and a long time collaborator with Monica prior to the Blame Sally days. Her impeccable rhythm, color, and gorgeous vocal harmonies add depth and breadth to these songs.

Is Fortune a Wheel, was recorded at Opus Studios with the core musicians all in one room to capture the potent energy of the live trio. This was a new way of recording for Monica and made for an incredibly dynamic sound. She then took these core recordings into the studio and worked with her accomplished co-producer BZ Lewis to add more layers of guitar, bass, and looping and brought in the adept Velvy Appleton to play additional guitar.

credits

released June 26, 2016

All Songs by Monica Pasqual
except UmaUma by Monica Pasqual and BZ Lewis


MONICA PASQUAL: lead vocals, background vocals, piano, keyboard, accordion

JOSHUA MCCLAIN: cello

PAM DELGADO: drums, percussion, background vocals

BZ LEWIS - acoustic & electric guitars, bass, drum programming and loops

VELVY APPLETON - acoustic & electric guitars, background vocals


Produced by Monica Pasqual and BZ Lewis

Recorded and Mixed by BZ Lewis

Album Art and Design by Hugh d'Andrade

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Monica Pasqual San Francisco

Pasqual is the winner of 9 Independent Music Awards. Her songs have been used on numerous network television shows and she has composed soundtracks for PBS, The History Channel and National Geographic Television. For the last 19 years Monica has been a member of the popular Bay Area Band, Blame Sally, touring the US and Europe extensively & releasing 8 albums. She has recorded 6 solo albums. ... more

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