This Cold Desire, by Monica Pasqual

This Cold Desire

by Monica Pasqual

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1.	These Darkened Days 03:08	lyrics	buy track
THESE DARKENED DAYS We got everything we wanted but what we wanted was all wrong The goods of sacrifice were flaunted and now we’re haunted by what was lost Oh, by what was lost I’ve heard it said these skies were blue once and full of nuance, instead of gray And in the night the stars were thousands, they could arouse us to sing their praise Oh, to sing their praise We were given so much power but we devour, and we betray And where is God among these lions, these screaming sirens, these darkened days? Where is God among these lions, these screaming sirens, these darkened days? Oh, these darkened days.
2.	Maps 04:26	lyrics	buy track
MAPS Numbers and surveys, guides and how-to’s These navigations, they don’t ring true I come from ages of stone and sea Like ink on parchment written on me And this cold desire, the ways that I’ve been lost And this ring of fire, the place that I must cross Just to become Just to become Just to become I know I’d see it if I’d just look I don’t need programs, I don’t need books What can they tell me? What can they know? I am contained here I’m on my own And this cold desire, the ways that I’ve been lost And this ring of fire, the place that I must cross Just to become Just to become Just to become Before I got here, before I learned Before the lessons when truth got burned I come from ages of stone and sea Like ink on parchment written on me
3.	Six Hours into the Woods 03:41	lyrics	buy track
SIX HOURS INTO THE WOODS Six hours into the woods I’m floating away I didn’t know if to go, didn’t know if to stay Look around there’s only me with all these ghosts They’re hiding high up in the trees, I feel exposed Ave Maria I’m out here in the dark, I really need your love Ave Maria Six hours into the woods I didn’t get it right Seemed like nothing but time - now I’m losing light Miles to go and I can’t even read the signs Ill prepared and under-dressed, I’m in a bind Ave Maria I’m out here in the dark, I really need your love Ave Maria Six hours into the woods I’m all turned around Once I knew what was up now I’m losing ground Catch my breath it’s like I never learned a thing All my life just been existing in a dream Ave Maria I’m out here in the dark, I really need your love Ave Maria I’m out here in the cold, I really need your love
4.	Can't Live Without Your Love 04:30	lyrics	buy track
CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOUR LOVE I am humbled, I am tired, I have fallen off a wire Not the one that you admired But I can’t live without your love I am shaken, insecure, lost my way and lost my nerve Took it fast and missed a curve Now I can’t live without your love Just when you have given up Pulled your fingers from the gloves Made it clear you’ve had enough I can’t live without your love I am frightened, I am frail, I’m adrift without a sail Staring up from where I fell I can’t live without your love I’ve become a broken thing, like a bird without a wing Can’t remember how to dream And I can’t live without your love Just when you have given up Pulled your fingers from the gloves Made it clear you’ve had enough I can’t live without your love Every word I try to say Ever time you look away Every night and every day I can’t live without your love I’ve become a broken thing, like a bird without a wing I can’t feel and I can’t sing And I can’t live without your love Just when you have given up Pulled your fingers from the gloves Made it clear you’ve had enough I can’t live without your love
5.	Pajaro Sin Alas 03:32	lyrics	buy track
PAJARO SIN ALAS (Bird Without Wings) I’m a bird that doesn’t fly When I go, is it earth or is it sky? I’m a fish that doesn’t swim When I sink, am I out or am I in? I’m a rose without a garden I’m a brush without an artist Almost done before I started Almost done before I started I’m a bird that doesn’t fly When I go, is it earth or is it sky? I’m a fish that doesn’t swim When I sink, am I out or am I in? I’m a king without a nation I’m a house with no foundation I’m a flashy imitation I’m a flashy imitation I’m a bird that doesn’t fly When I go, is it earth or is it sky? Pajaro sin alas, pez que no nada I’m a fish that doesn’t swim When I sink, am I out or am I in? Pajaro sin alas, pez que no nada I’m afraid I haven’t tried it I’m the maid, I’m not the bride I always tried to justify it always tried to justify it I’m a bird that doesn’t fly When I go, is it earth or is it sky? Pajaro sin alas, pez que no nada I’m a fish that doesn’t swim When I sink, am I out or am I in? Pajaro sin alas, pez que no nada I’m a song without a player I’m a card without a wager I’m a minor not a major I’m a minor not a major I’m a bird that doesn’t fly When I go, is it earth or is it sky? I’m a fish that doesn’t swim When I sink, am I out or am I in? Un tambor sin su ritmo Sin cancion un pajarito Un dolor sin su grito Un dolor sin su grito I’m a bird that doesn’t fly When I go, is it earth or is it sky? Pajaro sin alas, pez que no nada I’m a fish that doesn’t swim
6.	I Knew You When 03:41	lyrics	buy track
I KNEW YOU WHEN I knew you when every day was adventure and every night was a challenge that you met I knew you when they called you Mercutio and there was nothing you didn’t know, if I asked And you could run, you could run, you could run With your face to the sun, with your face to the sun You could run, you could run, you could run With your face to the sun, with your face to the sun I knew you when your feet on the pedals, your arms brown and freckled, you would laugh I knew you when you were too fast to follow and from behind I would call you, “Come back, Come back”! And you could fly, you could fly, you could fly As you aimed for the sky, you aimed for the sky You could fly, you could fly, you could fly As you aimed for the sky, you aimed for the sky I knew you when we believed we were magic, immune to the tragic and we loved I knew you when our lives were like flowers, open and powerful and young Our lives were like flowers, open and powerful and young
7.	Bird 03:30	lyrics	buy track
BIRD Bird, you’re gone, gone, gone away Bird, you’re gone, gone, gone away Morning gray I lie here, morning gray Time, you tease, you lead astray Winter freeze, winter decay Morning gray I lie here, morning gray Words don’t flow like water, gone Turned to snow, can’t find a song Morning gray I lie here, morning gray Bird, you’re gone, gone, gone away Bird, your song gone, gone away
8.	Into Your Hands 04:15	lyrics	buy track
INTO YOUR HANDS Silk and gold is all my fortune locked and hid away Safe and cold inside a fortress built of stone and clay Marble halls to guard my nature bird with broken wing Touch no earth and see no evil keep my fingers clean But there’s a garden and in the garden Into your hands make me a wild thing Water and sand, fire and kerosene Time can hold, but not forever years will slip away Bought and sold, harnessed and tethered just a simple trade But there’s a garden and in the garden Into your hands make me a wild thing Water and sand, fire and kerosene Through my window trees are swaying shade and broken light A falcon thinks not of obeying his prey thinks not of flight In the garden, deep in the garden Into your hands make me a wild thing Water and sand, fire and kerosene
9.	Pierrot and Columbine 04:00	lyrics	buy track
Instrumental Track
10.	River and Stone 05:18	lyrics	buy track
RIVER AND STONE Everyday same excuse, nothing does change with you nothing does Everyday all I see, nothing does change with me nothing does all that we long to be rushes right past us some call it destiny, the way we dig our heals What are you thinking, the clouds and the drinking? I don't have a clue why am I trying, there's one of us lying and I don't think it's you all that we long to be, is somebody laughing? I really had no idea, no idea what I signed There's a stone that I've seen bleed composed of iron like you and me and a river where the stone's blood runs as if the river and stone were one our river seems so alien, this thing we do not flow within we struggle while she pulls at us as if we think we could resist as if alone we could exist Time is forever but also it's never and nothing between the moments we steal and the moments we kill don't add up to a thing all that we long to be and what we're afraid of meet in this no-man's land pointed guns broken vows There's a stone that I've seen bleed composed of iron like you and me and a river where the stone's blood runs as if the river and stone were one our river seems so alien, this thing we do not flow within we struggle while she pulls at us as if we think we could resist as if alone we could exist
11.	Down by the Sea 04:30	lyrics	buy track
DOWN BY THE SEA Down by the sea all the boys and the ladies stroll in the breeze Setting sun on the city Lights one by one and the birds flying crazy Heart in her palm, did he know? Yes, or maybe not Down by the sea she will wait underneath the palm trees And dream of the days, slow and balmy Slender and brown, dressed in white All the virgins, hands over mouths Something sly, something urgent Time has a funny way of holding, then letting go Evening drifts slowly into morning before you know Down by the sea mothers play with their children laughing And she brings them sweets every Sunday After her tea, which she takes on fine China Still in her grandmother’s house on the Malecon Time has a funny way of holding, then letting go Evening drifts slowly into morning before you know Down by the sea where they walk All the ladies smile in their sleeves, and they talk Something shady Lights one by one and the birds flying crazy Heart in her palm, did he know? Yes, or maybe not Time has a funny way of holding, then letting go Evening drifts slowly into morning before you know
12.	The Little Rock (Mallorca) 03:29	lyrics	buy track
THE LITTLE ROCK (Mallorca) There she is, rising up like the Venus from the green salty deepness calls me back to her arms Like a dream, little rock of the misty morning light of the blue sea calls me back, calls me home Wandered far, followed all of my passion lost myself in the vastness like a wolf in the night Drank of wine, ate the fruit from the table like a child in a fable out of mind, out of sight There she is, strong and sweet as tomorrow holding all of my sorrow like the burden is small Like a dream, little rock of the misty morning light of the blue sea Calls me back, calls me home
13.	Terrified 04:48	lyrics	buy track
TERRIFIED Hollow like a bone on a desert floor Heavy like a stone I can’t carry no more I can’t carry no more, I can’t carry no more Caught like a horse on a carousel Lost like a penny down a wishing well I think I’ve been here before Looks like I’ve been here before And when I look inside I look terrified I look terrified Mournful as a wind on the western plains That’s how I feel when I hear my name When I hear my name Sometimes I dream of a different world Where I emerge like a water pearl And I am me again, and I am me again But when I look inside I look terrified I look terrified I have reached and I have fallen down Everything I know keeps on turning, turning round and round And everywhere I go it seems like I’m just losing ground Everything I know keeps on turning, turning round and round
14.	La Tierra en mi Sangre 04:09	lyrics	buy track
LA TIERRA EN MI SANGRE My skin is fair, my eyes are blue My hair the color of a cornfield Born in the north I stand out here Where hair is dark and skin is golden Raised in the mountain states My father was a man of great proportions Tall, blond and pale, a Dane His people suffered much for their devotion My mother’s from Iberria, Una isla Balearica La Tierra en mi sangre, El mar en mi historia La costa de las palmas, El campo do los olivos Cargados en mi alma, Encienden mis memorias I was a stranger in my city by the lake, the state of Utah I’d go to Mass and pray to saints Just like a girl born in Mallorca We’d set the table late My mother served red wine, we ate paella My friends thought we were strange And so did I ‘til we came to La Isla Mi madre de Iberia, una isla Balearica La tierra en mi sangre, el mar en mi historia La Costa de la calma, El pueblo Valledemosa Los llevo en mi alma La tierra en mi sangre

about

It’s been nearly ten years since the first time I visited the island of Sardinia where I performed with my band, Blame Sally. Situated in the Mediterranean Sea, the island and its people stirred up memories of a childhood summer spent on another Mediterranean
island, Mallorca, my mother’s birthplace. Though one belongs to Italy and the other to Spain, the islands have more in common with each other than they do with their respective mainlands, including their dialects, but more importantly, their island ways: cautious,
suspicious and remote if you are a stranger; warm and generous to a fault once you’ve been defined as friend.

A beautiful visit that woke up a part of me asleep for so long ended with the shock of the Twin Tower bombings and a surreal overnight ferry ride with Tom to the mainland, the two of us trying to glean any bit of information we could from the Italian-language news
shows that ran non-stop on the boat’s big-screen TVs. At the time, I had no idea how our own lives were going to mirror that abbreviated combination of discovery and joy mixed with profound loss and sadness.

I began this album as an homage to the Mediterranean, or more accurately, to the Mediterranean as it lives inside of me – through my Mother and the world she delivered to me by words and by paintings – through my own memories of two islands, two visits separated by 3 decades. But several years ago, my partner Tom was diagnosed with an illness that has changed the trajectory of our lives completely. As a writer I have never tried to control the outcome, I respond to what is, and what is, is complicated: memories, hope, sadness, loss, fear and joy. This album is dedicated to my mother, Pilar, to my late father, Walter, to my sweet Tom, to the late Jane Barrett who inspired “Bird”, and to those “little rocks” in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea, Mallorca and Sardinia.
Monica Pasqual, 2010

credits

released June 7, 2010

All songs written by Monica Pasqual, except Pierrot and Columbine, written by Monica Pasqual and BZ Lewis.
Produced by Monica Pasqual and BZ Lewis except for "I Knew You When" and "The Little Rock", produced by Monica Pasqual and Margrit Eichler, "Pajaro Sin Alas" produced by Monica Pasqual, Renee Harcourt and BZ Lewis and "Down by the Sea", produced by Monica Pasqual, Lee Townsend and BZ Lewis.
Engineered by BZ Lewis, except for "I Knew You When" and "Down by the Sea", engineered by Margrit Eichler.
Mastered by Michael Romanowski.

Package Design by Alicia Buelow
Album Art by Pilar Pobil
Photography by Tom Erikson

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about

Monica Pasqual San Francisco

Pasqual is the winner of 9 Independent Music Awards. Her songs have been used on numerous network television shows and she has composed soundtracks for PBS, The History Channel and National Geographic Television. For the last 19 years Monica has been a member of the popular Bay Area Band, Blame Sally, touring the US and Europe extensively & releasing 8 albums. She has recorded 6 solo albums. ... more

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